nicoland

In love again

2011-01-27T08:39:00.000+01:00

To tell you the truth, I’ve been letting myself lose for the past two years. The lifestyles that I’ve set in allow me to breath, walk, work, or do other things with absolutely nothing on my mind. On some good days, I’ll actually have songs repeat themselves over and over again, same sound you get when you have audio cassette jammed in the player. This is probably why I have not been writing for two years now?

The worst part is that now I’m here, trying to write again and feel obliged to start it with some silly excuse of my absence in this dear blog (if anybody cares). Apparently blogging is out and facebooking is in, feel free to disagree with me.

I kept on thinking why hadn’t Facebook been invented since long time ago. Its’ clear that men are hungry for social appraisal, judged and reflected by how many friends they have or how many people comment on their last ski trip pictures. Plus the fact that you can basically stalk on someone you are interested on and how his latest updated status makes you feel like you are part of his social circle is so thrilling. The coolest part is almost everyone is on Facebook. Even my mom wants to be on Facebook!

Now onto another subject that’s more about me ;P. I realize that my past posts have been about how desperate I am with love and so forth. Well, I am not that kind of person anymore. Maybe one day when my internal lyric is complete, I’ll start thinking of what’s going on outside. For now, it’s time to sleep.

2008-04-13T15:11:00.004+02:00

Finally I finished reading Norwegian Wood. I didnt give much time for reading, thats why it took me such a long time to finish. Regardless, I really like this book. The story is strong and play with my imagination. As I am recommending this book, it would be worthwhile to write a review as well.

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

Looking at the title, it leads us to one of The Beatles song by the name of Norwegian Wood. Sets in around 1969, Japan, the story focuses on 18 - 20 years old age life of an “ordinary” Japanese student named Watanabe. Ordinary explains second rate university, making living out of part time job, and usual personal habits such as reading books and doing laundry every Sunday. While these ordinaries form their characteristics, they brought us through their companionship into something less ordinary. Or I might say something emotionally engaging and enjoyable.

While having his university life in Tokyo, Watanabe encountered his dead best friend’s ex girlfriend unexpectedly. Naturally they started to form kind of special relationship, including walking around streets in Tokyo without any destinations on minds with distance in between. As they grew closer, strange calling got the girl away. Yet they were still in touch, understanding and encouraging each other. The relationship that they build is so pure and sweet. They don’t have to say a lot, yet they are dependant on each other. They need each other. The story seems kind this way, but actually there is much darker shade. Trying to put it simply; this book is about relationships with all of the specialties, highlighting the qualities of each individual while strongly influenced by the past time. Trying to put it harder; this book is about life and death.

Having had someone close to them dead, they are constantly living in the shadow of the death. In my opinion, the only thing that keeps them together as well as they’ve been fighting against is death and all kinds of its self destructive fears. Sounds very depressing? When you read it, it won’t be depressing, it will be normal because understanding will come eventually.

Along the stories, I’ve found a lot of things, that when I read them, I got hints of familiarity and could not agree more kind of feelings. That’s why I stated that this book is emotionally engaging. I feel like this book is an imaginative channel taking me travels through each part of stories with real emotions involved. Bravo Mr. Murakami, simple story line, yet so well written.

***

After battling with death, Watanabe comes to a peace of mind as he concludes,
Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life.

Spoiled

2007-08-02T15:14:00.000+02:00

"Norwegian Wood" by Haruki Murakami

(page 93)
"I guess I've been waiting so long I'm looking for perfection. That makes it tough."

"Waiting for the perfect love?"

"No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don't want it any more and throw it out of the window. That's what I'm looking for."

"I'm not sure that has anything to do with love," I said with some amazement.

"It does," she said. "You just don't know it. There are times in a girl's life when things like that are incredibly important."

"Things like throwing strawberry shortbread out of the window?"

"Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. "Now I see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?"

"So then what?"

"So then I'd give him all the love he deserves for what he's done."

"Sounds crazy to me."

"Well, to me, that's what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though." Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. "For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn't begin at all."

Murakami, H. (2000). Norwegian Wood (page 93). Great Britain: The Harvill Press.

***

Reading this page has somehow awaken one of the old memories that I cherish as well as been trying to abandon. Memory that forces me to look deeper into myself and not be afraid of what I might find there. Hoping for the better, apparently somebody has stolen my key and left the door wide opened for me to discover. Leaving nothing but traces that lead to nowhere.

He is gone. Yet I am still searching.. feeling all alone.. and empty...

Let me be in a nice beautiful meadow. I'll run as far as the eyes can see, I'll scream in joy till the last of the air left in my lungs, I'll look at the flowers as long as my eyes can hold their gaze onto, I'll be happy as long as it could last. I just can't get enough of these. And If i ask for more, will there be the deepest level of understanding and selfless love and care available for me? I suppose I have been too selfish. Trying to fit everything into the picture didnt turned into a perfection as it turned out that the perfect selfishness gives room only for me in the picture.

So selfish i was, i refused to see the imperfection. Instead, I brought the disconnections to everything. More things I did, more confuse I got, and more blur everything seemed.

Whats the price for the perfection, i paid my price.

I havent quite yet finished reading this book. I started to read this book when I had to wait for my plane back to Jakarta at Frankfurt airport for 7 hours. The reading was all planned as I knew it would be terribly boring to get stranded in the airport for such a long time without anything really specific to do. Thus I decided to read a book. I chose this book as I love the author. When I was in Taiwan, I used to spend some time to stay in the library and looked for some interesting books. The books by Haruki Murakami were ones that got me.

I enjoy reading. However, still sometimes I got carried away with all things to be done that dont include reading. Recently, I feel the urge of reading again. Reading is nice!

bug, kitchen, and a day

2007-05-20T16:39:00.002+02:00

Mmm... its been a while.. I didnt realise that i havent been writing anything here for more than one month.. Geezz.. time runs.. even faster than disgusting Swiss special bug which i found landing on my computer 15 minutes ago.

I was not overreacting when i started to freak out, woke my roomate up, and then hopelessly ran to computer lab to find someone who for some reasons might be still staying there eagerly doing assignment (it was 1.30 a.m). and guess what? as i opened the door, there i saw bunch of people with serious expression looking at the computer screens. Poor them, i thought. I feel a little bit sorry for them as they must be tired. Anyway, my sorry feeling didnt stop me from searching for the soul brave enough to kill the bug. After i found him, I led him to meet his victim. The killing went quite well.. except that when the bug flied, my roomate started to scream and the security guy came knocking on my door to find out what had happened. With some body movement of flyng and mentioned the word "animal", the security guy understood that animal means animal in french, and tryng to fly gesture means more than "i am drunk and feel like dancing". Alright, bug hysteria is over now.

I wanted to tell about what have been happening with me. But I have bit problem in stucturing and labelling important incidents worthy to tell. To start with, I'll write about my condition now. As i wrote on post before, it was coming to the end of the term. Well.. now im in the middle of second term already. Its a challanging term. It gives me previllage to walk around anypart of the school with a shitty face and indirect message on my forehead saying "I am tired coma busy and absolutely in no position to wear make up and something nicer than kitchen uniform or service uniform"

I can never tell whats the most thing you can do in one day, how can it change your life? I try to think of some:

1. When u do something for the first time, extreme case only, first kiss, first sex, first murder
2. When u have accident that totally change your life
3. When u travel somewhere far, less than 24 hours journey and arrive at different country, ready to live new life
4. When u get married.
5. When u decided to sleep and never wake up.
6. When u win medal gold in olympiad.
7. When u do a lot of things you never thought of doing

Anyway, I have some memories, but not extreme. I never really thought of what can i do in a day or what a day can do to me. But there was one day I was surprised of things that i can do, judging by the quality. I went hiking to a mountain (of course). It was 5 hours going up. I saw a lot of things, kinds of plants, the sea from above and how the sky and the sea blend in color, cows, etc. The moment i got to the top. It was unimaginary. I felt so close to the sky. The wind brezzed through my hair. It was great, even though only 20 minutes. On the journey back, it was getting dark.. until completely dark. My shoes werent best for hiking ones. In fact, they should never be worn for hiking! It was so slippery, i was scared! It was so dark as well, i barely can see anything. I got lightning which i used to light the steps im going to step on to. I was lucky, because the others were using their mobile phone to brighten their way. That time, was the first time i saw lightning bug. They do really shine! The moment we got out of the mountain, we were overwhelmed with joy.. until we found out that the train station was quite far. And it was like in the middle of the street. We hitchhiked from there to the train station. All of us were sitting happily at the back of the small truck. Later that day, i went to friend's friend's birthday party, which turned out to be quite nice event.

When i went to bed that day and started to recall what had happen, i was content of things that ive done that day and thought that i would not trade anything for the experience i had that day!
Nowadays, started from 8a.m to 8.p.m. The activities are nonstop. The longest of my break is 20 minutes. I cannot believe that I am active like this everyday. I dont feel anything special but ive never work non-stop like this. every day. not enough of that, i still have bunch of assignment to do. Even for weekend, i have kitchen duty!!!

It was not my plan to complain. I just wanted to tell whats happening. Apparently I cant hide my emotion while talking about it. Lol..

oh what am i doing?

its 3.21 and i have kitchen duty tomorrow!! ><

-bicycle-

2007-04-13T00:24:00.000+02:00

Cycling around the town
Feels like dancing
And if you are bored, just stop
Enjoy!

Cycling around the town
Choose your destination
To spend more private time
Talking and talking

Cycling and cycling
Dancing and dancing
Talking and talking
We are not alone

Cycling around the town
Breaking the wind
Being careless
Even swear some words,
Not bad at all

Cycling around the town
Round and round
And if you see some flowers
Put it in your pocket
Gotta love it!

Cycling around the town
It’s so great
Don’t forget to get some rest though,
Take good care of your bicycle

-dedicated to my star-

end of the term

2007-03-29T14:48:00.000+02:00

First term has come to an end. Now its the beginning of holiday. Unfortunately, unlike most of my friends, Im not going back home. For students who stay in the school, they have to work in the kitchen. The term break is 9 days, and the work is 4 days. So I can make use of couple of days to go to other cities (of course cities with more people than this village im living in now!!)

Yesterday we had the closing ceremony, on which several awards were given to students according to some contributions, among all of the awards are, community service awards, class representative award, and public speaking award.

Surprisingly, my public speaking group; consists of me and Diana got the award. This award is given to group of which both of the members achieve more than 90 score. On the other class, there were 3 groups to recieve the awards. That was unbelievebly awesome! I didnt expect much, but it would be a lie if i say i dont want it. Diana has been a real motivator. She is a high spirited person and doesnt give up. Even though we knew that it was not easy, we believe that we could make it. Well...... we did it!!!! ^^

My goal this term break is to be able to ride bicycle. I tried before but it wasnt very successful. This time, I will master it!

Spring mood

2007-03-22T23:48:00.000+01:00

Say goodbye to winter and hi to spring.

I remember being asked in French class which season I like the best and why? (At that time, we were learning the names of seasons in French) I said that i like spring the best because its beautiful.

In spring, the flowers start to grow. The weather goes warmer. The sun shines to the ground and you can see the light is golden in color. Its not too hot nor too cold. On the grass alongside the road between the main building and the dorm, grows some flower. Some are yellow, some are purple, some are white. The first time, i notice these colors on the grass from far, I thought they were garbage, until i came close and see that they were flowers. What a pleasant surprise! Before it was snowy, the snow melted but the coldness stay still. I didnt expect the grass to grow flowers like that. So beautiful!!! Spring possess this magical power to turn everyone happy. Happiness blooms in my heart, enriched with all kinds of colors possibly exist and all alphabets there are for every languages in the world. Hundrends of possibility of arrangement!! Imagine everything! The impulse is irresistable and surprisingly flexible. I love spring.

However, three days ago, as it had been predicted, it started to snow. How strange. It was snowing for the whole day. The next day, the grass was covered in snow. So were the flowers. The snow melted the next morning, started to snow again in the afternoon, and it melted again the next morning. Those flowers are still there. I suppose, the flowers aside from being the ambassador of beauty also indicate the increase in temperature as they didnt grow before during the winter when it was cold. But I just felt that its getting even colder than before. And its windy. I certainly cant wait for the weather to get nicer.

Anyway,

Its approaching the end of this term now. Everyone is anxious about the final exams next week.
So...... it's good bcause that means they care. Hehehe.

19

2007-03-09T01:24:00.000+01:00

U R a cool fantastic person... with a great sweet kind heart... which ... its very hard to find this days... U were born... and with U ... all the good things around the world were born too... that day... were stars shining all over the sky like never before... and U know why... cause an Angel was born... the moon sang a crazy song of love that said ... aku cinta kamu... cause the moon got in love with U.... U might not remember, cause U were crying in the doctor's arms... but I was two years old... and that day... I sent an innocent kiss from my heart... to U... with the Moon... that kept singing untill U felt asleep... now... as 19 years ago... we R in different places... but the moon is right there... so I send U an innocent kiss from my heart ..like once before... just to celebrate that an angel was born..... Happy birthday Angel..

Msg from a dear friend Jeffery which is too beautiful to be just written on an e-card that will expire soon.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Thanks for the msgs. I love you all.

so boring..

2007-03-02T22:07:00.000+01:00

I always think Europe as the melting point of art, beauty, and love. Once, while walking my way on a street full of dried leaves falling from the trees, i cheerfully adored the view of my shoes stepped on the leaves and the sound made by that. Came a question from my friend, "do you like all these leaves on the ground?" Without any hesitation, i answered straight from my soul, "yea i love it". and then he said, "then Switzerland will be the perfect place for you". I asked in replied, "what do u mean?, they dont clean up the street?", "If you like quiet and peaceful environment, then you will be happy in Switzerland, because there, it is like that, and the view are just beautiful, the nature is amazing. U like that, right?". I answered him that I would be so much happy with that kind of situation. Perhaps it is funny for him, but i couldnt think of any reasons why wouldnt i like that. For people who like partying, of course that would be hell. but for me? oh no. These kind of places are created for person like me, i thought. I always believe that my heart is endlessly in search of peace of mind and pureness in personality. This dramatic thoughts led me to certainty that a beautiful and peaceful country such as Switzerland will be the best for me. At that time, I was enjoying my life in the big and busy city, and I was sure that things can only get better. For real.

Now that Im here in Switzerland, I started to really understand the question that my friend gave me. but more importantly, i started to get to know the real me, what i really want, and what i dont want. Life here is so boring.I do enjoy the beautiful view, i do raise my gratitude in every inhalation of the fresh air, i do listen to the sound of crows chatting every morning and night, i do walked on road carpeted with dried leaves, i do notice the details of the nature, a badass tree, or the colors gradation on the mountain, i do love drinking evian water and eating complete 3 sets of meal courses. Its wonderful really. However, as I live my life here, im sensing a big hole in my heart, which cant be fullfilled by anything i can find here; this hole is created by the loss of past convinience. As more of this fact comes to realization, living turns into surviving.

my blog

2007-02-22T21:05:00.000+01:00

I've always wanted to write a blog; talking about stuff happening to me or surround me from my point of view, and hopefully can be somehow a sort of entertainment for people who read it. When i said entertainment, doesnt mean bad grammar of poor language to laugh at and mock at. But its targeted for people who have interest in me enough to be curious to know what I've been doing, and thus have no doubt in reading my blog; and enjoy while reading it.

As i said to my roomate everyday, "I will write my blog now."; me and her realize that these words started to feel like wind in the winter, they dont mean anything. Really. Fortunately, its in our blood, to always cheer every situation up, so even these words have become a good source of you-can-do-it sarcasm laugh. (especially for my roomate who enjoys sarcams joke, and love being sarcastic herself) She thinks there is no way for me to write my blog, considering the fact that she just cant trust me anymore after saying I'll write my blog for the past 15 days, and none had been written. So when I say, I am going to write my blog, she thinks im joking.

But today, at this moment seven celcius degrees outside with few stars on the sky, three people playing pool at the first floor and not to mention some students scattered around the school smoking and chatting, here I am lying on my bed looking at my computer'screen and hands typing my blog!! Oh, sweet chocolate and ice cream. How good this life is. With all of the people capable of doing a lot of things, even the things that they never thought of doing or other people thought they will not manage to do it. Haha. I am happy, and my roomate's completely in shock expression she will show me later will become my reward.

However, having written my blog, except that I am happy now, other things are still the same. I still have 4 essays due to monday, french quizz tomorrow, and shower to do within 15 minutes. But now, I will just cherish this moment and be happy!! ^^